At secondary school I was a very naïve person and that’s quite hard to admit.
As a teenager I thought I was happy in myself, foresaw my future and everything that I wanted to do. I saw people in their 20’s as picture-perfect. I saw them as people who had their lives all figured out. Those people seemed to reflect how I saw my early 20’s being, with a place of my own, a full-time career on lock that I wanted to pursue and have my life all figured out. I’m just about to turn 22 and I am far from what I want for my life, and that’s ok.
Right now life is moving at a million miles per minute and as scary as that is, it’s a good thing for me. Living life in the fast lane is fun and although the pace of life is giving me anxiety beyond belief, it’s helping me try and figure things out.
I finished University earlier this year, mid summer, and I’m still living my life exactly how I was then – but with more hours at work and less time writing essays. Although it sounds like heaven, its quite a hard time when you’re stuck in a rut with what to do.
After the first month or so of being student free I had more worry in me than I do now and the reason for that is time. Time can only tell my future and give me what I want.
I’m one of those people who won’t take a job, pursue a hobby or change my life if I’m not sure its going to benefit me. This mind-set has come alive over the past year or so whilst in my final year at Uni, and I kinda wish I was that person back in school – a little too late but I’m finally there.
If you want to better yourself to be the best version of you I think it all comes down to patience.
For most, school is a time of confusion but also hope. It’s a time that allows you to grow into the person you want to be but sometimes it doesn’t always pan out the way you thought it would. For example, I left University totally unaware of the ‘real world’. I’ve been in education since the age of 3 and I never understood what it was living day-to-day life without it. I became reliant upon education and found it to be an outlet where I lost myself and never had time to think what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.
This time off over the summer has really put things into perspective for me and here’s how…
Making my own decisions. This one is very simple in the grand scheme of things but in my world it was actually a very hard thing to do. I am a very very indecisive person and throughout much of my teens I always let others decide for me. 1) It was just me wanting to put others happiness before mine and 2) I never felt mature enough to make the final decisions in case it went wrong, a.k.a. I was terrified of failure.
Failure to me was a no go zone. I never wanted it to happen to me and when it did, I would have a meltdown. Little did I know that with failure can come great success and this is something I came away from University knowing and being forever grateful for. You have to have some trial and error in your life to see results and see if things work out. So finally being able to make my own decisions and say yes without hesitating was a big step for me.
A teeny tiny thing can make the world of difference.
Learning how to be patient. Having time off sounds fun but for someone who likes to be doing things pretty much every hour that I’m awake, it can be quite the opposite. Even though my job isn’t full-time, I use up my free hours with stuff that needs to be done. I can’t sit around on my butt all day and watch Netflix, not even at the weekends and I sometimes wish I could.
Having more free time on my hands meant I had time for a lot more uneasy foot tapping and thinking, and at first I let it get me down.
However, since realising that time is my virtue I’ve been a lot calmer about the whole idea of waiting. Waiting for the right thing to come at the right time. Thankfully, this waiting and getting on with my passions has led me to be a much more patient and relaxed person, which is something I’ve always wanted to be. With patient comes time, which really can bring great things after all.
Filling my time with more ‘me time’. As I say, for 18 years of my life I’ve been in education year in, year out and as much as I loved learning and educating myself on the world, I never educated myself on me. I never sat back at thought thoroughly about how I could realistically make my life what I want it to be.
Throughout school I was that naïve person who thought my career and my goals would be given to me on a plate, just like how we were fed information at school, I thought it would be the same on the outside world once education was finito. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. You have to work for it. You have to have a plan, an idea and an end goal that is realistically achievable.
I now have time to think about me and where I want my life to go. I find myself planning out the next couple of years with more attention to detail, which I hope will pay off in the long run. I’m now an adult, I’m now mature enough to be less naïve and ignorant to the real world and become a better version of myself, the person I really want to be.
As the hun, Lana Del Rey sings, “Doing what you love is freedom. Loving what you do is happiness.”