Ah, life. You do like to throw some funny feelings at us don’t you?
Last Saturday evening whilst sitting at home having absolutely nothing to do, I started overthinking, as you do.
I started thinking about all those times I’ve let others plans and life timings overrule my own. I suddenly realised I’ve let people let me down more often than I should. I’m too easy I tell ya. It suddenly dawned upon me that Saturday eve, that I’ve let others plans and priorities come before mine far too often.
More so lately, I’ve been left with nothing to do because I’ve prioritised what others ‘might be doing’, until they tell me “oh soz, I’m actually busy now and have other plans”. So then I’m stuck, with absolutely nada to do and left feeling miserable and get myself into that ‘cba to start or do anything mood’. So then I just sit there, twindling my thumbs staring in the abyss.
My problem is, I take peoples words of, ‘probs not busy later’ as ‘definitely not busy’, and with that thought in mind, I’ve planned our time together to a T. I’ve planned what we’ll do, the timings, the fun, everything. To then only be let down because of my overly unselfish mind as I’ve sat around and waited and waited and waited… again.
Although I’d say I’m a pretty independent human and I am very sure of myself and what I need, I can’t help but put others and their plans first. Maybe I’m too unselfish, who knows? I always like to make sure those around me are happy with what’s going on first before putting my own mind at ease. I’m even one to ‘happily’ wait around for an age for someone (sometimes for hours) and be patient whilst doing so. I am very sad to admit that, but that’s just me.
This ‘Saturday evening overthinking malarkey got me grasping the fact that I maybe shouldn’t be so patient. Because is everyone as patient with me? Hell no. Well at least I don’t think they are.
I’m not saying I’m the only person who is like this, hence why I’m here talking about it. I assume others will or can relate. I do hope I’m not the only ‘saddo’ left feeling like this when they’ve been turned down, or when they’ve put others priorities and plans before their own for their own plans fall through the roof and hit the shit pan.
Many times I have put my foot down and got on with my own plans. I’ve sometimes put myself first and disregarded what others might want to do. However, I don’t do it often enough. Now I realise that I should. Life is a little too short to put let down more often than not (I certainly think so).
Skirt – Topshop
Top – Zara (similar)
Sandals – Missy Empire *
Bag – Mango (similar)
Watch – Harvey James Watches*
PHOTOGRAPHY BY SARAH ELLEN TREACHER (@sarahellen_photography)
I always find it pointless to start doing something else whilst waiting around for someone, because knowing my luck they’ll be ready early and I can’t finish what I started. Does that happen to anyone else? You sit waiting and waiting doing absolutely nothing. Then, when you finally start doing something your phone will ping and buzz with the “I’m ready now” text. Fumes fly and eyes roll but you stay calm, collected, patient and unselfish and stop what you started and leave it unfinished. Nothing frustrates me more than not getting a job done, so I always just tell myself ‘may as well leave it until I have the time’. Only then do those plans run late or even worse… not run at all. Then comes the vicious cycle and sad story of my life… ‘my life according to everyone else’s plans’.
This post, this mind thought and brain spill almost sounds like I am a human of no independence, when in reality it’s not like that at all. In a way, maybe I’m saying I’m quite a patient and reliable person, but those good traits are starting to become useless for my own good. Maybe I’m too much of a patient and reliable person that people have started to take advantage of that? I hope not, but you never know.
So to all my fellow patient humans; lets say goodbye to the unselfishness and start practising putting our own plans first for once? Yes, lets do that.